Free At Last
by SerenityTsuki
Summary: “I’m free now, aren’t I? I’m free at last…” Betrayal. Tragedy. Suicide. Death. In a world that was supposed to end in a happily ever after, things are about to get somewhat twisted. —Discontinued—
1. Part I — Living A Lie

**Disclaimer** : I don't own _Sailor Moon_ or any of the songs I use, which is alot.

**Summary** : Dark one-shot. - "She loved him more than life itself. '_He betrayed me.'_ She loved them like her own sisters. '_They abandoned me.'_ All pain must end. 'Life's too painful to go through all this-so I must end it.'"

This story is dedicated to _Alyssa _**[**ff penname—Sarcastic Loser**],** who nearly fell over the edge too, wanting to be free.

"You don't understand! Could you live in someone else's shadow for your entire life?! Mum and Daddy try to make me like my siblings… but I can't be like them… I can't… I can't get rid of the shadow I live in, so can't I stop living?" **—** _Alyssa._

Inspired by Jenana's Sukiyaki

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**Free At Last**

**

* * *

**

You see the smile

You hear the laughter

But you don't see the tears

You don't hear the cries

* * *

The golden hair massed out around her like a pool of gold, its sheen glittering in the moon's pale, silvery light. Ice hard, cool blue eyes regarded her face as she continued to stare in the mirror. Dark bags hung underneath her eyes, giving off her stressed aura. Silver strands ran wild in her hair, followed by bright orange tips at the end. She sighed at herself in the mirror. The pale, thin shirt she wore felt baggy on top of her thin chest, her jeans, tight and pulling at her thin legs, were a dark, shadowy black with slight hints of purple and white at the sides. Pale skin pulled tight at her cheekbones, highlights of a light pink splattering against it. She stared out the window.

She was unable to understand, unable to see herself other than the worthless piece of space and flesh that she was. Pain ripped at her soul, heartache soared in her body, and hurt rippled in the pits of her stomach. There was no one to help her now, there was no one to tell her that she was okay, that she was perfect…. Her love, her friends… they stripped her of her powers, acting out high treason of a princess, had left her because she missed a battle where they couldn't destroy the monster, because she'd been in another battle with another youma. Thoughts, so black and so dark, so evil, ran wild in her mind, thoughts of suicide, thoughts of death…

She had had the perfect life; she had passed her college entrance exam, sending out a résumé to Tokyo University, she'd passed her driving test, scoring ninety percent. Her father had congratulated her by buying her own car, a blue Camry, that she drove to school. It was easier than running like crazy to school. Her boyfriend had asked her to marry him, saying he didn't _need_ to go to America. Her friends had assured her that she would be able to get into Tokyo University and helped her study for her extrance exam. Her future was already planned out, she had a wonderful, if not bratty, daughter that she and her 'husband' cherished, she had a life girls could only dream about. And she wished to be one of those girls.

Her life had never been normal. She'd been adopted into the Tsukino family, when her 'mother' had been thought to not be able to give birth. Shingo was their pride and joy, their true child, the one they adored. Her mother and father had told her when she six, telling her that one day, she'd be able to find a new family, her _true_ family. Of course, she'd always wondered. How could a light violet-haired woman and a pale-browned haired man be able to give birth to a blonde? Shingo had her father's pale brown hair, inherited her mother's light green, speckled brown, eyes, and had, of course, inherited her father's lanky thin form, followed by Ikuko's grace and intelligence. Ever since they had told her, they'd seen a change in her. A smile always prodded on her lips, she wailed, but it was never really to the heart, and they'd never seen her _really_ cry. She made everyone smile, but they'd never seen the screamin' girl inside. They'd never seen the heart broken cries she let out in her dreams, they'd never seen the shattered sobs at night…

And then, eight years later, she learns that she's 'Sailor Moon', the most powerful senshi of the entire universe. Princess Serenity of the Moon Kingdom, the only possible user of the powerful Silver Imperial Crystal, the purest girl alive… She tossed her head back to stare at the mirror again, seeing her own thin form dressed a milk white dress, which fluttered down her legs and flared out at the bottom. Her hair was flowing freely down her back in her orignal 'odango' fashion. _'Will I forever be… Princess Serenity?'_

Her future was set in stone. A thousand years later and she'd be Neo Queen Serenity, the most powerful person in the land. The person to create peace, the person to build Crystal Tokyo, the person who would live a long life, a long and healthy life… forever as Serenity. Cold, ice hard eyes hardened slightly at the thought of staying Serenity forever. The moonlight shifted and shined down on her again, showering its princess with its comfort. _'Princess Serenity…'_ eyes shot to her home kingdom, smiling faintly, '_It's not me…'_

She blinked slowly as the moonlight faded once more and turned her attention back to the mirror. She could see the reflection of the bright green digital numbers, blinking slowly '_12:54_'. It was nearly one o'clock, seven hours until she'd need to get up and go to school. Seven hours before she'd have to endure the painfully heart wrenching times staring at the happy senshi… the senshi that abandoned her… She turned cold eyes to her wrists, the wrists she kept covered up. Knifes had punctured into them, pulling and slicing at her skin, cutting into her flesh, drawing blood…

She stared out the window toward the fading moon. Her world fell apart in a matter of one month, the perfect life she'd built… shattered. '_I need to get out. I need to be free._'

* * *

It's all because of you

That I'm feeling sad and blue

You went away

Now my life is just a rainy day

A comb piloted its way through a mass of long, golden hair and she sighed. She hadn't slept at all last night, only finding her way back to the cupboard underneath her mirror and pulling out her favorite knife. It had been a present from Queen Selenity, a magic knife that would be able to pierce through anything. And now her sheets were drenched red. Eyes, dark blue, twinkled slightly with silver dots, looked down at her arms and drew a deep breath, pulling a trench coat over herself as she stood to catch a better look at herself. She was wearing black, long jeans again, which brushed against the floor, her hair swept up in a messy bun by a simple rubber band, a black tanktop with the words 'You Suck… And That's Sad' written across it in bold, white letters, and a black trench coat over herself. The Goth Queen was ready. She gazed at the three papers strewn lightly over her desktop and she took a deep breath. Today was the day. Today was the day she'd be free.

The hilt of the knife, now resting on her bed with her blood still on the metal tip, was blanketed in a silver twirl, which curved at the bottom which held a eight-pointed star. Two cerulean jewels resided on the sides of the top of the hilt, where the accuracy was held. Where ever she wanted to strike, those two jewels would pin point it and strike it. The blade was made of Lunarian metal, strong and unbreakable, with the barest accents of gold littering across it. She sighed and pushed the blade into her backpack for a couple of strikes after school and left for breakfest.

It was almost seven thirty in the morning, meaning her father had already left for work and her mother was outside watering the roses and Shingo would still be sleeping. She gathered herself into the kitchen, seeing Shingo's breakfest on the table and her own, a plate of toast and a rather large bag for lunch, on the counter. 'Cause they thought she'd wake up late, 'cause they thought she'd never change. A frown creased against her pale face. She pushed the toast on Shingo's plate and took out a pan and an egg. It was going to be a quiet morning.

She'd finally finished making her pancakes, along with a scrambled egg on the side, and settled down to eat when Shingo had awakened. He gazed at her for a moment, surprise in his eyes, but he didn't say a word, only shrugging and continuing on his way to the bathroom. Her mother has said some things about her being so proud that she was finally growing up and had left to go change for Shingo's parent conference meeting. She stabbed a fork into the yellow, thick substance on the side of the plate, driving her knife into it and slipping it into her mouth. She looked out the window and sighed. She left one of her pancakes on a spare plate after washing her dishes and leaving for school.

The warm, spring air grazed lightly on her face as she stepped out of the house and onto the porch. The sprinklers had been turned on, by Ikuko, and the light water gently scattered over her face. A small smile formed on her pale pink lips and she turned to look over her shoulder. Her mother had already gone back to kitchen, pouring a new glass of apple juice for Shingo in her new, deep aqua green suit with the flippy skirt. Long, pale violet hair flipped back over her shoulder as Tsukino Ikuko turned to face her stove, a smile on her lips, a deep sparkle in her light green eyes. _'They'll be fine without me._' her mind chided as she clambered into her car and slipped the jagged piece of metal into the slot. 'Everyone_ will be fine without me.'_

Mrs Haruna had not expected her this early in the morning, and she looked liked she was about you scold her about her attire, but kept quiet at the slight pain and tiredness seeping into the young girl's body movements. It was only eight o'clock in the morning, in which she usually arrived at eight _fourty five_ in the morning. The auburn haired teacher simply shrugged and addressed her to her seat, three desks south of the blue haired genius and two desks east of the brown haired athlete. Turning surprised eyes to each other, they shrugged and settled down for another day of 'torture'.

"Kino Makoto." Mrs. Haruna's voice called through out the classroom, already catching sight of the tall brunette in the middle of the classroom who raised her hand gently and waved it in the air. The girl's hair had been pulled back into a high ponytail, dark brown eyes glinting with amusement in the light as she sighed. Mrs Haruna nodded and started to call names of various students again.

"Mizuno Ami." A pale, translucent hand traveled up in the air as the dark blued haired girl smiled brightly at the teacher, flashing two rows of perfect white teeth. Deep, aqua marine eyes stared back at the teacher as she turned to briefly smile at her friend. Her hair was cut boy style, with a couple of strand growing long and curly, fanning out lightly against her cheeks. "Present." she called pleasently as she placed her hand back onto the desk.

Mrs Haruna ignored all the shocked looks as she called out "Tsukino Usagi" and a small, timid hand raised carelessly into the air. The girl, her hair swept back into a messy bun, her deep blue eyes confidently gazing at the sensei as several of the students sent her strange looks. She sighed and called, "Here", settling for just sitting in her seat comfortably as Mrs Haruna called out questions and watched Mizuno wave her hand frantically in the air, trying to catch the teacher's attention, who's green, blue-flecked, eyes passed over her quickly.

The class had began quite slowly, passed quite quickly and ended sharply with the bell. Mrs Haruna looked slightly disrumpled that her least favorite student, Tsukino, had gotten every single one of the questions asked her correct. Mizuno, Kino and the new girl, who was now Sailor Moon, Mazaki Keiko, gave her slightly angered glances before disappearing into the crowd, the occasional bob of Kino's tall head appearing at the top.

Osaka Naru graced her with a lop sided grin before walking off with Umino, his arm on her hip, her fingers entwined gracefully with his other hand. His big, swirly glasses turned to her with a quick smile which didn't really reach his eyes before turning away, with that confident stride and into the crowd, following the seniors and juniors into the cafeteria. The occasional shout of Naru's New York accent was the only thing she heard.

She sighed, traveling into the crowd herself and walking silently toward her locker. Her stomach bubbled quietly and she glanced around, gripping tightly at her belly as it roared with hunger. She pushed her books into her locker, pushed her backpack into it as well and sighed. She couldn't eat right now. She _wouldn't_ eat right now. The big lunch her mother had arranged for her fell to the ground as she stomped away from it, trying to pry herself away from her classmate's inquiring eyes.

Unfortunately, for her, a person had seen the usually hungry girl drop her lunch. Pale, silver tinted emerald green eyes narrowed slightly at the sight of the pink, with white bunnies all over it, bag dropped carelessly on the floor by Tsukino Usagi. _Tsukino Usagi._ The girl who usually skipped and hummed, nearly _worshipped_ the road to lunch. He sighed and picked up the bag, searching the crowd again from a rather short girl with a pair of odangoes (although she wasn't them today) on her head. He was a tall young man, a senior actually, with raven black hair that fell gracefully into bold emerald green eyes. He wore a baggy black T-shirt with the words 'I'm Never Gonna Change' written in it in huge, white block letters, a pair of baggy black jeans that occasionally slipped from his hips, several chains hanging from his clothes and his neck, with a rather long black button up black shirt with white and blood red stripes down the sides and he trudged after the black and blonde spot speedily walking through the crowds. [The guy is an OC!]

Usagi drew a shattered breath as she turned over to the open schoolyard, where the sunlight pooled into to, wrapping it in warmth. She shook her head swiftly before returning to walk down the road for a while before going back to class. She closed her eyes, wishing for all the pain in her heart to go away, for all her heart's loud cries to stop… for all the blood and tears she had shed over the last month to not matter anymore… no matter heart broken sobs at night… no more looks of pity and disgust… _no more life._

He frowned as she turned away from the lunch tables and strode down the school steps. Normally, she'd go over to the table underneath the cherry tree with Mizuno and Kino. Normally, she'd laugh and yell out their names, screaming at the tops of her lungs and her friends would laugh at her. Normally, she'd trip and fall while tearing off to the table and wail at the tops of her lungs and her friends would scold or laugh. Normally, she'd give everyone pleasent smiles, wave kindly and trip over the trash can, or even call out "HELLO!" just to make people laugh. She had changed, drastically. And he wanted to know why.

She sat down on the bus stop in front of the school, keeping an ear out for the bell. She sighed, pushing her body back comfortably against the hard metal back of the chair. A pale finger reached up to massage her temple as her head pounded with a rather harsh headache. She turned cold eyes to the empty road, feeling quite lonely as she heard Mazaki's loud laughter - or more like cackling - erupt into the air.

"Sounds like a hyena to me." a boy's cool, smooth voice pooled out like icy water underneath her as she turned her head to catch a better glimspe of him. _Ah, yes. The male goth. _She frowned at his attire. He looked too much like her, dressed in all black with simple flickers of other colors and that icy exterior built like jaded pieces of thick diamonds in his dark emerald eyes, that pain only could build on, that only suicidal thoughts could be the foundation of that icy pillar in his eyes.

"Mazaki _is_ a hyena." she pointed out dryly, tearing her gaze from him and sighing softly as he plopped down next to her. _I'm not in the mood, goth boy._ She didn't even know his name. She'd just occasionally see his tall frame in crowds, headphones around his head, head bobbing back and forth to the angry rap music you could hear a mile away. He was nearly six feet, taller than _him_ by far, and fairly muscular. He could have joined the basketball team, or the football team, if he wasn't so stoic and gothic like he was. He didn't adore sports, which Kino, the guy obsesser, second in line, trailing after Aino Minako by mere inches, told her occasionally as she caught sight of him traveling in the crowds, nearly gliding.

"I have to agree." he replied lightly and nearly jovially but when she glanced back at him, the pillars in his eyes had not shrunk in the least and kept their defences up, ready for any attack that she might throw his way. She shook her head slightly, causing trendils of her hair to fall into her color changing eyes and he frowned immedentily.

He could sense the feelings of annoyance and anger bubbling in her stomach as she forced herself away from him. Why was she pushing him away? She had no one else, no other friends, no other family - well, they didn't care about her - [stalker… hehe…] and yet here he was, _trying_ to be a friend, and she was constantly pushing him away. Talk about ungrateful! But he couldn't be mad at her. She was too cute. A silent sigh escaped his pale lips as he touched her tense shoulder and she threw her head back, her lips moving already to make a sharp snap at him before he lifted up the bag of food. "I thought you might be hungry."

She gently pushed the bag away and eyed him distastefully. "Why are you doing this?" she asked cautiously, "I don't even _know_ you. What's your name, anyway?" The look of feigned pain on his fairly tanned face was enough to make a girlish giggle slip from her lips and she had to cover her mouth to keep the bubbling laughter from surfacing. His hand touched her's and pulled her hand down. The seriousness in his eyes made the laughter in her shrink and die, and disappear with a loud 'pop!' in the pits of her stomach.

"It's okay to laugh, Usagi." he said calmly before flashing her another tight smile, "My name's Azukain Yoh and as for why I'm doing this; well, let's just say the girl who usually skips and worships the bell that rings for lunch just drops her lunch bag in the middle of the corridor, _not caring_, I might add, if someone _might_ slip and trip on it." he frowned mockingly at her, causing her to laugh again.

She needed this. _I need to laugh once in a while,_ her eyes met his in amusement, _He's helped me…_ "Atashi wa Tsukino Usagi," she replied formally, earning a pair of rolled eyes at her. Yoh was strangely helping her troubled soul calm itself down and it came into her head that maybe, it was okay to be trapped a while longer, maybe because Yoh had threw open a whole in the stone wall when he tripped and fell on her lunch bag [which didn't happen, it's a mere bluff told by Yoh]. He made her laugh, maybe without even trying, and that was something _he_ couldn't do. But immedentily, the thought of _him_ made the stone mold back and the pain in her heart slip into her system again.

Yoh noticed the change in her. "You're too formal," he chided, poking her lightly.

She laughed. "Try telling that to my fri-" her voice froze, "_ex-_friends."

The bell rang before Yoh could say anything else, much to his annoyance. He glanced at his notebook and scribbled down an email address, handing it to her and grinning, earning a slight smile in return. "What's this for?" she asked mildly, toying with a strand of blonde hair as she gazed at the email address. ' was written across the piece of paper in neat, curly handwriting that rivaled Mizuno's own. "Creative." she piped, earning a slight jab in the stomach by his hard finger.

"Mail me if you want to talk. God knows I'm always on my comp." he said curtly before jogging up the steps, "See you soon, _Odango Atama!_" She gasped angrily, mockingly, of course, because she knew he didn't mean it, and picked up a stray rock and aimed it at his head, striking his forearm instead as she yelled out, "I'm not wearing odangoes, baka!" He threw her a raspberry.

Pale blue eyes slipped toward him silently in the hallway. _I'm sorry-I still need to be free._

* * *

I fell to pieces before your eyes

Dropped to my knees because of your hurtful words

Surrendered my heart, my soul, my being…

I loved you

Did you love me back?

School had passed relatively fast, her happiness from lunch disappearing as the day came to a closed end. The smile etched upon her face was enough to keep Yoh a safe distance so that he couldn't track the sadness creeping in the pits of her stomach, or the heavy anticipation and want for the day to end so she could free, free of the world, free of pain… The last class of the day, cooking, was finished as the bell rang and she pushed her tray of cookies, looking rather deformed, with secrets hints of apple and cinnamon sprinkled over lightly for taste and smell, onto the counter, placing her name tag underneath the tray and stuffed her cooking books into her backpack.

She was growing weaker by the minute, by the extra pills she had taken in secret in the bathroom. She took a deep breath and scowled briefly before returning to striding out the doors at a slow pace, watching out for the tall, raven haired goth in the crowd. He could search her soul, no matter how many pillars, rocks, buildings, and icy diamonds she stacked in her eyes, he could always break through them with a simple glance at her with his own icy emerald eyes. He could be gentle, kind, sweet, nice and still be protecting his soul from prying eyes, especially her's. Yoh had the power to scan people, holding their eyes captive as he searched their soul for dark secrets before stopping and breaking away. Something no one else she knew had, not even the great Queen Selenity.

Usagi threw her head back as she walked calmly down the steps in the same manner she had done at lunch, trudging and dragging her feet, drowning in her thoughts. She had felt Yoh's presence, the strong, mysterious aura she couldn't fight through. It seeped over her like a mist, covering her pain in a icy blanket, freezing it and dropping it carelessly on the floor. The mist that blocked out all hurtful faces, the mist that was too thick to let her hear their cruel words… She shook her head. He was saving her-and she didn't _want_ to be saved. Pulling away from the mist that was encircling her, she was wrenched from the cool yet warm feeling that entranced her and felt the pain in her heart come alive again, the sounds of their harsh words slamming in her ears, their mocking faces smirking at her… _This is what I'm destined to face-pain. So, please, stop trying to heal me._

She fought back a scream as she clambered into her car quickly as she spotted him walking carelessly out of the school doors. She whipped her head away. She could feel the bold emerald eyes burning at the back of her head as she turned her head back to reverse out. Quietly, shyly, slowly, she lifted her head to meet his eyes for one second, for one last time, before driving off. _I'm sorry._ her thoughts were muddled as pain drove her head to pieces. _You… mean nothing to me._ Pure determination crept into her body and she tensed up, biting her lower lip and turning her cerulean blue eyes to the road. _I hope._

She'd sent him a last and final email, trying to get him to understand her decision. She didn't know if he'd be sad, or he'd laugh his head off, but she felt eerily anxious about his response. But she'd never get to see it, now would she? _I need to be free._ She felt the burning pain inside of her as she thought of the past three years of her life. She was seventeen years old—and she already knew what her child would look like, what her future would be like. _Normal_ girls aren't like that. _Normal_ girls _dream_ about it, they dream of the perfect life for them, and they work to get it. Cold blue eyes focused on the road. _Chibi Usa doesn't even love me. She despises me-and thinks of Hino as more of a mother._ _Isn't that right, Mother? Isn't it correct that Chiba never loved me? That Endymion loved me for my kingdom. That Endymion and my future 'daughter' have no respect for me now? That I will never be the same in the future? If I can't be how I love to be in the future,_ _why should I live up to it?_

The park had always been her sanctuary. It was a place she could relax and not care about others for the time being. The bench that she, only she, had found underneath the big oak tree that covered up the little pond just a little north of the park's always rather public and popular place, the sand palace and the wide grass area, was _her _bench. The place had been surrounded by bushes, so no one knew about it, thinking it another one of the park's bushy lots.

She remembered when she had first stumbled across it. It had been Shingo's birthday and her parents were once again showering the three year old with undying love. She had been sad, of course, since, being five years old at the time, had just made a flower necklace with the white, puffy flowers that were scattered across the grassy layers. She'd shown it to her mother who didn't even glance at it, only handing her brother another piece of cake-when she, the young little girl, had not achieved of getting any. She'd tried to show her father, but he'd raised his voice, yelling that why couldn't she shut up about some stupid achievement. She'd ran away after that. She had tripped and fell, her flower necklace tearing and had tumbled straight through the soft clump of bushes with a mere few scars on her arms. There had been a small little bench, just right for her, and for when she would grow up, petite and small, and the pond was small, merely five feet wide and only about three feet tall that spread quickly from the tree to the bushes. The bench was seated on the west of the pond, the back of the brown wood pushed lightly against the tree's thick covering. The oak tree's leafs and branches shaded the sun from showering her with warmth, especially on hot summer days. There had always been a gap between two branches and sunlight would pour through, catching the water of the pond _just right_, where the whole world would still for just a moment, for her to calm herself down, to reassure herself that her life was well, that she loved _him._ But then the sunlight would disappear, the anger would return and the doubt in her heart would still beat loudly.

Now, here she was, sitting on the small bench again, staring into the small pond, splashing her small feet into the crystalline water, and drowning in her depression. She had just let her hair out, the long, massive pool of golden hair flinging out behind her, the sun catching the golden rays of hair perfectly. Her eyes were slightly shadowed, her bangs coming into her eyes, a shadow passing over her face as tears began to form in her eyes. Could she really do this? Throw her life away?

Her knife slipped into a point underneath her skin and tore. Blood ran down her arm. She toyed with the hilt of the blade with her non bleeding arm as she gazed at the water, which was now circling with red gasps of blood. Another sharp slash caused more red liquid to fall gracefully into the pond. A long gash formed on her arm as the point of the blade traveled slowly down from her elbow to the bottom of her hand. Pain surged through her body. She felt numb… her vision had begun to blur as the loss of blood became too much to bear. Her knife struck at her wrists once more until her hand fell loose under the loss of energy… and it tumbled to the bottom of the one foot pond, in which the water was turning quite red by now. _I will die-in a far more dangerous pattern…_ her thoughts were muddled as blood continued to seep from her already pale enough arms and fall to the grass as she walked out of the bushes, out of her spot toward her car. _I'm almost free._

**Almost.**

This is the place where I sit

This is the part I love you too much

This is as hard as it gets

'Cause I'm getting tired of pretending I'm tough…

**

* * *

**

I took my bow

While you confirmed my saddest fears

I wish you well

I wish you love…

**30**…

Usagi tore down a narrow street at a slow speed as tears began to circle in her eyes as her life began to flash back into her eyes. Blood was still pouring from the deep cuts on her arms, blanketing the creme colored carpet and coverings of her car with the dark red liquid. Her head was beginning to feel light again, the bottle of beer in the cup holder was slowly draining with every sip she took… Tsukino Usagi, cutter, drinker… was ready to be set free.

Memories were driving her mad. Pain and grief were still making her tremble. She took a deep breath as the car swerved, nearly hit a tree and clambered messily onto the bridge. Happiness from the most joyous memories decided to dance around in her mind, pulling the darker ones out to haunt her more. Tears surfaced in her eyes.

**40…** _It was getting harder to breathe…_

**- ****Flashback**_** -**_

"Minna-chan!" a girl's excited voice squealed as she burst through the Hiwaka Shrine's doors, dancing and prancing around her friends and she hugged herself. Her friends watched her in amusement as she continued to squeal and dance, blabbering off in quick sentences that they couldn't understand. Her pigtails swung out behind her as she continued to dance heavily, her hands up, her butt shaking side to side. She sighed softly as she plopped on her favorite beanbag, the one her friend had bought especially for her, the pink one with bunnies and cresant moons on them.

"What are you so excited about, Odango Atama?" a brunette teased, the one sitting closest to her said, poking her slightly with the tip of her finger. Violet eyes sparkled as the girl shot up excitedly, grinning wildly, wide cerulean eyes dancing in the fire light. The violet eyed girl laughed at Odango Atama, who frowned immedenitly but did not yell in argument.

A brown haired girl pushed the other brunette slightly. "Shut up, Rei-chan!" she scolded lightly, brown eyes laughing volumes at the slight feigned hurt look upon Rei's face. The other girls erupted into loud laughter.

A pale blonde haired girl looked over at her best friend. "So, what happened that made you get your groove on?" she asked, dark blue eyes dancing with amusement as her friend's face flushed bright red.

"C'mon, Usagi-chan, we're dying to know why you paraded around us." Makoto's amused voice chided innocently.

"Shut up guys, let Usagi explain her new dance moves. Maybe it has something to do with Mamoru…?" a dark haired girl piped from the back of her book, her aqua marine eyes glinting with false innocence as the girl in question gasped and through a pillow at her.

"Maybe Ami's right. So, Usa-chan, tell us. Did Mamoru_ kiss _you?" Rei made kissing noises to make the girl blush even more.

"Shut up!" Usagi cried in retaliation, throwing another pillow at Rei who dodged it and made it hit Makoto, who had been sitting comfortably beside Ami.

Minako laughed out loud at the tea now spilled on Rei's brand new table, the shocked look on the brunette's face at the pillow thrown at her, Ami's barely contained face, who was turning blue from not being able to laugh, Rei's rather furious look, and Usagi's slightly frightened look as the dark haired miko advanced on her with a small, green oval shaped pillow.

"Rei—AHH!" the green pillow soared toward Minako, who had been sitting behind Usagi, laughing. It struck her face and she fell back, picking it up and chugging it over at Rei, who ducked and Makoto had already moved, only to hit Ami, who finally put her book down to have the pillow knock into her stomach.

The genius scowled. "You're dead Minako-chan!"

**- End Flashback -**

**60**… Everything was so perfect…

**- Flashback -**

"Usa--" Mamoru's voice stopped when a blonde haired bundle tackled him to the ground. He dropped his groceries on the floor and laughed as he fell back with a loud thump on the ground with her on top of him. She looked happy and energentic, but the long nights of training were finally wearing down on her and the faint lines of tiredness were starting to show at the corner of her eyes. Her hair wasn't in her original style, merely tied in two low ponytails by two rubber bands and thrown carelessly over her shoulder. The shiny gloss of golden hair fell around them like a golden cape as she smiled slightly, giving him a quick peck on the cheek and moving slightly so she was now cradling in his arms on the creme coloured carpet. His lips captured her's for the moment, drawing her safely in a cool kiss as he drew his hand neatly from underneath her back and clambered slowly on top of her.

"So, Mamo-chan, what did you buy?" Usagi asked a rather long moment later, dressed in his baggy shirt and a pair of his spare boxers as she shuffled through the brown paper bag, slightly flushed from what the two had just did. She smiled slightly at him, where as he looked rather calm whenever he glanced at her. He hadn't noticed how tired she looked, especially now, with the small, dead twinkle in her eyes whenever she looked at him. The rubber bands had snapped off after their… moment and her hair was now pooling out around her, making her look like an angel.

"Oh, some food. Just fruits and stuff." he explained lightly, grabbing an apple from the bag and biting into it, shrugging. She rolled her eyes, taking the contents out herself as he excused himself to go watch some TV. She pushed all the food into their rightful place, only almost falling once. She took a deep breath and strode out, seeing Mamoru on the phone with someone, the TV turned on, the apple dropped on the floor next to his feet on a piece of paper. She rolled her eyes again before plopping down right next to him. "I understand. Of course. G'bye." he conculded the phone call, scooping down to pick up his fruit and wrapped his arm around her, kissing her temple.

"Gomen, Usako, but I can't make tomorrow's date. Boss got a big job for me-and I can't get out of it." She frowned. Tomorrow would be their anniversary. Why would work be so important to him? All he did was go to school and occasionally helped Motoki clean the tables late at night. She narrowed her eyes, turning away from him and scooting farther away. She could feel him frown.

"Usako…" he whispered, pulling at her arm and pulling her into his embrace. "Gomen ne. I can't get out of it." He wound his leg around her, making her sit in the space between his legs as she leaned farther away from him, anger still in her movements. Suddenly, his lips caught the crook of her neck. "Onegai, Usako…" he murmured into her neck.

"I'm still mad." she huffed.

He flashed her a smirk, his fingers fingering the shirt. "I can think of a way to get you to forgive me." he grinned and pushed his lips against her's, locking her in a steamy kiss and she melted into his embrace, her fingers tightening around his shirt. __I love you, Mamo-chan.

**- End Flashback -**

**75**… Why did you stop loving me, Mamo-chan? Tears blurred her vision as the curves in the road became more dangerous… _Was I not good enough for you…?_

**- Flashback -**

Usagi smiled brightly at the sight of her Mamo-chan, her boyfriend, walking into the park. It was quite late into the afternoon, where as the night's newest sparkles of darkness were still sprinkling among the red/pale pink sky. The clouds were slowly disappearing into the dark night sky as the sun was pulled from its position in the sky as the moon rose.

She followed him quietly, ready to jump on him any time soon. She smiled as she ducked low as he entered a small gap of tall, lush grass between two tall trees. She was about to yell out 'Mamo-chan!' when she heard a voice.

"Did you get away from her?" a familer girl's voice asked quickly.

"Yes." Mamoru's voice chided softly. "She had already left before I went. She's probably stuffing herself with hamburgers right now." the two erupted into soft laughter.

Usagi looked up, confused. And froze. Rei, her best friend, her protector, the one who pushed her in Mamoru's direction, the one who saved her countless times, sacrified herself for her, was cradled in Mamoru's, her lover, her beloved, her fiancée, her soul mate, arms. Pain twirled in the pits of her stomach. Her breath was coming in short hitches, her lungs seemed to stop taking in air, her heart stopped beating…

"Mamoru-chan. Do you think this right?" Rei asked quietly, her fingers tightening around his shirt.

"Of course." he whispered, using his index finger to lift her head to his. "More right than it ever was with Usagi." he pushed his lips against her's. Rei's hands came to encircle around his neck as his hands came to encircle around her waist.

She ran.

**qpqp**

"Usako, I'm home!" He'd grown used to Usagi waiting for him whenever he got home from work or school. She would always be in the kitchen, trying to fix him something or waiting for him by the door so she could tackle him like the other day. Mamoru stood stock still, noticing the sound of the sink was not on, or the sound of her yells of fright as everything came tumbling down on her, or even the sound of her loud wailing if she had fallen. Nothing. "Usagi?" he asked slowly as he walked into the room.

And there she was.

Reading a book, she was sitting crossed legged on his couch, her eyes intent on the book, the slight bob of her head every so often because of the music she was listening to. He could actually hear the loud, sad music that the headphones were blasting off. Mamoru tilted his head as the girl didn't glance up at his presence. He reached for their link, trying to grasp onto it but it seemed to slip farther and farther away from him the more he tried to grab it. "Usagi…?" he asked curiously and a slight bit louder.

She didn't move.

He moved forward and slipped behind her, placing tender hands onto her slim shoulders. He was ready for the loud shriek and the sudden tackling-but it never came. She turned her head slightly to look at him before turning away and looking back at her book. He glanced at the cover. It had been one of the English - translated - into - Japanese books he'd picked up in America a couple of years ago. Romeo and Juliet. The tale of two star crossed lovers. "Usako, what's wrong?" he asked, taking one of the headphones off and nipping lightly at her ear.

He felt a surge of power grow within her. The link whipped lashed harshly at his hand that had tried to capture it and he froze in shock. He leaned farther away from her to see what was wrong-and saw it. Her eyes were narrowed in sharp hate, anger and pain everything she looked at him. Twin trail marks of tears ran ragged down her pale cheeks, her usually bright eyes red and blotchy, her usually pouty pale pink lips pursed in a thin line. "Usako…?" he asked quietly, sensing that a huge temper tantrum was going to be thrown.

She turned her head and returned to her book. Her hair had been let down again, the odangoes had long since passed, and the shimmers of golden strands were dancing in the light, catching the brilliant and different shades of gold her hair was. He could see the tired lines in her face more clearly now. He sighed and walked toward her, plopping down next to her. What was she mad at? He hadn't done anything wrong, had he?

"Nani?" he asked once more.

She turned ice hard blue eyes toward him. "Nothing. So, can you shut up and let me read?" she snapped briskly throwing her head back against the soft pillows, her back crushing his hand which he had attempted to slip to wrap around her waist. What was wrong with her today? He frowned.

"Really, Usagi, what's wrong?" Mamoru questioned darkly. Usagi glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. _Not Usako, anymore, huh, 'Mamo-chan?'_ She fought back a sneer.

"Where were you today, Mamoru?" his skin prickled. No 'Mamo-chan'. Her voice had been calm, impassive, with a slight cold edge to it. What was wrong with her?

"Nowhere." he muttered. He wasn't feeling safe. He had spent most of the day with Rei, in their little area in the park, discussing how this relationship would work. They agreed they'd hide it until Crystal Tokyo was made, and Neo King Endymion would dump Serenity and made Rei, Neo Queen Rei. They needed Usagi's power to create Crystal Tokyo, so they'd wait.

"Really? Did you visit the park today? It was beautiful, was it not?" she interrogated lightly.

"I wasn't at the—"

"Stop lying. I've had enough of your lies!" she roared.

"I'm not lying!" he shouted

"Then why were you kissing Rei?" she asked coldly. He froze at her tone, the ice hard blue eyes… she'd seen them.

"I—"

"We're through, over. I hate you." she whispered, sweeping out of the room, slamming the book shut and throwing it at his chest before striding out, slamming the door. Her words fell like bricks in his stomach._ I hate you._

**- End Flashback -**

**110**… Why, Rei? You knew how much I loved him… She swerved the wheel just in time as the metal railing scratched the car's right side. _Why…?_

**— Flashback —**

"Mamoru, calm down and tell me in _slow words._"

Aino Minako and Kino Makoto were fighting back huge bursts of laughter at the tone of Hino Rei's voice as she spoke in the phone to her long time secret boyfriend. The girl's violet eyes narrowed at them but she continued to try and calm the young man on the other line down so they could finally make some progress. Mamoru was speaking rather quickly, something about Usagi, a book and the words 'I hate you'.

"Mamoru, please, _calm_—" Mizuno Ami rolled her eyes. She'd been against the relationship between the Fire Senshi and the Prince but she wasn't as highest in court as the others, so she was to stay quiet while others made their judgements. Whatever had happened to Mamoru had caused the usually well mannered man to go balistic and make Rei's vein at her temple, the one that usually popped for Usagi, throb incessantly.

"Oi, Usa's here!" Makoto called out cheerily, about to wave her in when she remembered that Usagi and Mamoru were _still_ together. She'd grown used to Rei and Mamoru's relationship, since the two were always together, in the park, at movies, everywhere. Tsukino Usagi looked slightly disrumpled but okay none the less. There were faint lines at the corner of her eyes that made her look older than she really was.

"Mamoru? Mamoru…? Are you there?" Rei asked repeatedly into the phone after hearing the loud thump and a suprisingly loud 'clonk!'. Minako frowned as the brunette continued to interrogate the man before immedentily hanging up when Usagi came through the door. A smile was plastered on her face, her cerulean eyes dull, her face paler than they ever remembered. She sat down next to Ami and asked, "Who were you talking to, Rei?" Rei froze. No _'chan'._ There had always been a 'chan'.

"No one. Just… a few relatives." she muttered absently, toying with a stray strand of black hair, refusing to meet those two eyes. Makoto began to shift uncomfortabaly in her seat, eyes glued to the table as Minako began to run her fingers gently through her long hair. Cold blue eyes locked onto the priestess' pale face.

"So, Mamoru is your relative?" the question was asked with a sharp tone. Rei scooted back from Usagi's harsh tone. What was wrong? Had she… found out? Tentalively, violet eyes met blazing cerulan. _Oh yeah, she knows._ "So your exchanging _saliva_ with your relative? It's rather sick, Rei, sick even for _you._" Usagi commented dryly.

"You know?" Minako squeaked before Rei could retort.

Usagi ignored her, eyes still locked on Rei's cold and sweaty face, which answered all their questions. In Rei's head, it was all coming together… Usagi tended to read whenever she was really hurt or sad, like after Chibi Usa had left. She'd dropped into a small depression, digging herself into the school history books before Mamoru managed to yank her nose out of the book and take her out. She tended to say harsh things when she was hurt, like 'I hate you' or 'I never want to see you again'. But her eyes… had never been on fire like right now. They'd never steamed so harshly at _her_ that she knew of. She'd seen her stare at Beryl that way. Pure _hatred_. And Rei hated it.

"You didn't satisfy him enough!" she cried in futile attempt to hurt the young blonde before realizing she already did. She'd stole the love of her life and she'd caught them… and here Rei was, trying to hurt her once more.

"Break up with him." Usagi's words were cold and icy, chipped lightly. Rei bit on her lower lip as the royal blood in Usa's veins gave her a commanding presence and forced her on the ground.

"No." she spoke through gritted teeth, hurt that her friend was doing this. She looked up and saw the flicker of pain and hate in the cerulean orbs.

"You've betrayed destiny! The Moon Kingdom! You've acted high _treason!_ This means exile…" Serenity roared.

"Leave us!" Makoto's angry voice cut in toward the princess. "We don't need you! You rarely ever come to battles anymore, _anyhow!_"

"Mako's right, Usa, you—" Minako's _almost_ gentle words were cut off as Rei's newbound courage sprung up within her.

"Leave Usagi! Three of the Court has decided! _You _no longer hold the power of the Moon Princess!" she screamed as Serenity narrowed her cerulean eyes.

Tears fell to the ground. Rei froze as they had just invoked what they had pledged never to do. The silver light came floating out of Serenity's chest and went wild, springing to the sides of the rooms, trying to find its rightful owner once again. Minako gasped as Usagi's senshi power disappeared, their link dropping immedentily… and the girl slowly opened her eyes, seeing her power still flinging about the room.

She smirked slightly. "My power will continue to fly until they find the next heir in the Moon Kingdom… it will not return to my body anymore. The power of the Silver Crystal is free to whoever is powerful enough to wield it. And if the last heir dies… so will it and the world will fall into chaos… _glorious_ chaos." she laughed, "All fools… my blood lines has been erased… my power stripped from my own body… by my own senshi, too." Ice hard eyes narrowed. "Tell Mamoru… there will no more of his _beloved_ Chibi Usa." she whispered before walking out.

[sorry if Usa's a little… insane and the whole power thing… eh.]

**— End Flashback —**

140… Tears fell, molding in with her blood. She leaned her head back as the metal railing became closer and closer. Her hands fell slack from the wheels, the loss of blood making her head fairly light. _Mamo-chan, will you love me in the next life?_ her mind whispered as her foot pounded harshly onto the pedal. _Will you fall harder for me and not_ _see Rei? Please, Mamo-chan… will you love me in the next life? I'm sorry… I don't hate you… at all._

_Can I finally be free, Mamo-chan? Can you stop haunting me? Will the pain finally stop?_ The car crashed into the metal railing, breaking it and soaring down the mountain side. The car slammed onto the mountain side with a harsh crunch before traveling down once more.

Am I finally free? Can you stop haunting me? Wide, pale, dead cerulean eyes gazed at the now dark sky.

I am free, aren't I, Mamo-chan? I'm free at last.

**

* * *

**

**Hello! It's me, Cassie! I made this sad little fic in honor of my dear, little sister, who I love dearly and never meant to shadow you. I'm thinking of making a second part, you know, with how all the senshi and Mamoru feel about her death. I mean, this thing's 8000-something words long, longer than anything I've ever written. Tell me if you want me to make a second part. **

**And remember to REVIEW!**


	2. Part II — Mercury — Ami

**Breakaway**

_I never thought one day you'd be gone,  
away forever more  
No one can say, no one could explain  
why you were taken_

_Oh where are you now?  
Could I get there somehow?  
_

_"You're the glue that holds us together." _— Christopher

Her hair was scattered out on the pale, blue pillow of the coffin, the twinkles of shimmering golden locks brightening the room. Her eyes were closed and I longed to see those cerulean eyes, the cerulean eyes I used to always love to watch brighten with joy, with laughter… Her peaceful face, with the barest accents of scars marking her pale, tight cheeks, rested calmly, her lips a pale, deep light pink that looked so pale, so dark. She was wearing one of her Moon Princess dresses, one that Queen Selenity had said was to be her wedding dress on the Moon. Her arms, marked with scars and scabs, were resting on her stomach, her hands clasped as if she was praying silently, the burn marks on her finger tips marked clearly. Her skin was white as a sheet and it was slowly turning blue to the cold AC that enveloped the home. A peaceful smile graced her lips, a slow turn up of pale lips, and I shivered. She enjoyed dying, she wanted it… she destroyed herself.

Pictures were scattered everywhere. I gasped to breathe when my lungs could no longer grasp the air when I glanced around her room. It was everywhere. Memories of our friendship came flooding back to my mind as I struggled to keep my brain working when I caught sight of a picture… a special picture I forbade her to show anyone. It was hanging above the smashed mirror, where three letters were still scattered and several box of tissues were put there.

It was the one at the beach. She had jumped on my back, laughing, her eyes open and bright, her mouth wide and smiling, while the others had crowded behind us, all in bathing suits, with ice cream in their hands. He stood there, laughing as her ice cream, in mid-motion, was falling to the sand, as all of us laughed. I was in a bikini, convinced by one of the senshi, and I was extremely embarrassed by the flesh I was showing. Motoki had taken the picture with his new digital camera and had managed to get a happy smile in there as he popped behind him quickly, grinning a slow grin before dodging to get his camera back from a tourist.

I loved that day. I don't know why — it brought back memories I tried to repress all the time. I nodded to one of the senshi, trying to fight back tears of my own as one of them stood by the coffin, her hand over her mouth, tears streaming down her face. I could not make out their faces — it was all so blurry, so strange. I could not focus. My hands were clammy and sweaty as I continued to wipe them against my face to force the tears back, the pain was coiling up in my stomach, and the ache in my heart kept throbbing back the entire time… and I continued to shake uncontrollably.

It was nearly sunset outside. The reception would be over and we'd be able to bury her in a small place in the park where she wrote to her mother. 'A special place where no one knew.' she described it and we went to go look at it. She wanted to be buried next to the big tree, next to the pond and have the bench moved to the other side, pushing up against one of the bushes. I enjoyed the place. The pond was lovely, the sun caught the ripples directly and the tree above was perfect for shade. But I know we all couldn't help but wonder — why was the water red?

"Ami." the simple voice penetrated my wondering, simple thoughts as I turned around to gaze at the other pictures lined up against the walls. It was all so simple — a picture of her and I resting against 'The Bench' was placed on a small, delicate frame by her bed. I, as usual, held a book in my hands, grinning softly into the camera, leaning my head against the shorter girl's head as her blonde head bobbed, a smile prodding at her lips.

"Please." his voice continued to crack in suspense as my I continued to stare at the memories that haunted me. I shivered, my eyes taking one of my favorite pictures. We all stood outside the cherry fields, where sakura trees blossomed and the pink petals fell like rain over the grass fields and the farmers grew some juicy, red cherries that we liked to pick and eat with delight. The petals were falling gracefully down and Motoki had caught them in mid-motion as well. They fell into our hair, our faces, and our hands. It seemed like she was the only one who noticed him holding the camera. I stood beside her, holding out my hand as a petal was falling into it and everyone else was laughing and grinning. She stood in the middle of us, a smile settled on her lips, her cerulean blue eyes focused ahead, her golden hair falling around her in a beautiful light. The sun was setting behind us, the cherries gleaming with a soft red color that seemed to glow in our hands as one of the senshi was holding a cherry, the autumn leaves turning a bronze, golden-amber color that seemed to sparkle like diamonds in the photo. It accented her perfectly, her heart-shaped face gleaming in between a coat of golden hair, the soft, bronze colored leaves circling her, a small smile planted on her face. I missed her.

"Talk to me, Ami." I turned abruptly, my eyes burning into his dark blue eyes. He gazed at me, confused, tears swimming in those pools of pain. I grimaced myself. He didn't wear that ridiculously ugly green blazer or one of those long sleeved shirts, or jeans. He was dressed formally, in a black suit and he had combed his dark raven hair back. Dark circles were drawn underneath his eyes and the rough edges of his face had softened to a degree, to the face of a weak, heartbroken man.

"What do you want?" I tried to make my voice sound intimidating. I knew that it was cracking as well. My eyes were hot from trying to keep the tears back as he stared at me. She was dead, I wanted to scream, and it's all our fault! We acted as if we hated her so you could have your little adventure with Rei… and it turns out you dump Rei the day she decides to kill herself… My voice was snappy, I knew, and I flinched away from my own sharp tone.

"I'm sorry, Ami," he whispered slowly, "I didn't mean—I mean—I'm so sorry—please, Ami…" I felt guilt rush into me. I shook my head, placing an unsteady hand on his elbow, my own dark blue eyes telling him I understood and I walked away. He should've gone talk to Minako—she's way more understanding.

The burial session would not begin for another twenty-five minutes. The living room was scattered with some of her belongings. It is said that she never cherished one thing; she loved everything the same. However, her brother argued, he said that his sister had loved one thing above all others. The star locket. It now stood in glass above the fireplace, the words 'Usagi' carved into its cover. It still sang but Motoki had recorded the song on a tape and it began playing in the background. The light, musical tone danced lightly in the silent room.

There was another photograph of us all. We were all in it this time — all the senshi, Motoki, Mamoru, and even Chibi-Usa was in this picture. It was all in the Crown Arcade and Motoki's sister had stooped to take a quick photo for memories. We weren't paying attention, but Chibi-Usa's ruby colored eyes and Usagi's cerulean eyes had turned at the exact moment she had snapped the photo. We were laughing, though Mamoru looked slightly grumpy at having ketchup and mustard on his shirt — courtesy of Rei — and Motoki was neglecting his job. It was all fun and games back then, all laughs and tickles, all smiles and grins. Now, I can't even think of a time that all of us senshi got together without screaming at each other.

We had left her out, hated her, annoyed her, cast her out, acted out high treason against our princess. And now we're paying the price. Now, we're breaking apart because we ripped out the glue that held us all together. We snapped at it, ripped it to shreds, and caused it to die itself, to give up hope; which made our hope die as she died as well.

She was my first real friend. She was my first best friend. She was the first girl who showed me how to have fun. She was the first girl to teach me that my grades aren't everything. She my best friend — and I betrayed the trust she gave me by siding with the people who I knew were doing the cruel thing… and I helped in killing her once bright soul by not trying to save her no matter how much my heart told me to.

I didn't listen — and that cost me one of the greatest friends I could have ever had.

* * *

TBC, if you guys want.  
Sorry I took so long. (: 


	3. Part III — Venus — Minako

_I don't use excuses  
Don't ask why  
It's just a breakdown  
It happens all the time  
So get out of my face  
Don't even try  
Ya wanna help me, just let me cry_

_"Don't let go of one of the best people in the world—if you do, you'll regret it for the rest of your life."_ — Lissa

_She… was dead._

It still took a while for my mind to process this new piece of information I tried to swallow gently when I first heard it. It was impossible for me, and for everyone else, I'm sure, to download this statement into their minds. You can never really tell if you understand what people are telling you until it finally happens and the realization suddenly dawns on us.

I didn't understand what Ami was telling us until it was too late.

_Gone_.

Her room is full of memories that haunts us — photos, journal entries, blood… It all came rushing back whenever I glanced at any part of her room. Nothing was empty — blood covered the snow white covers and blanket, a fist had crushed into the dresser mirror, the writings on the walls, the dried, stained letters written in bold, blood red letters scrawled on the wall behind her clothes in the closet, behind the dresser, behind the bed, in the bathroom… Blood had covered the bathroom — it was everywhere; in the sink, in the tub, on the mirrors, just... _everywhere._

Her accessories were everywhere. The Silver Crystal had shattered when she had died and was now laying in shattered pieces on the mahogany, smashed dresser. The broach was broken and splintered, its magical pieces of Lunarian steel sparkling in the light, the old pieces of dazzling pink diamonds had lost its sheen and were now a dull gray color that didn't seem to want to color up again. The earrings that Mamoru had given to her for her seventeenth birthday lay broken on the ground, the golden hangers broken off and thrown at the wall, the sharp point piercing into it, the silver diamonds on the ground, stained red.

_Dead_.

We all were so angry — too angry to notice the change. We all so blind — too blind by the fury and pain that clouded our minds to see her fall over the brink. We all were so busy — too busy with our own emotions to notice her falling. We all were too busy falling sorry for ourselves to notice — to notice her falling to tatters around us, blowing the pieces around us… but we were too oblivious. We couldn't see what in front of our very eyes, we saw the girl, but didn't see the dark thoughts in her mind… we saw the tears, but never saw the truth behind icy cerulean eyes.

I never understood. I was always so used to happy endings — happy endings where the princess would get the guy and they'd live happily ever after. Sure, we died at times, but we always came back — we always lived.

_Gone_.

But the harsh realization is that she won't be coming back — she can't. We stole the power that was supposed to bring her back. We can live on forever… our souls being reborn time after time to reunite the senshi if trouble should arise in the world. And that's what the most painful — we killed her and she'd live on as another girl in the world without a care in the world…

Maybe that was better. Maybe she could just have a life of carefree love, with no worries about saving the world… Maybe she'll be happier…

I used to think she was selfish, when we were fighting, of course. I sided with Rei immediately, following Makoto's abrupt yell to leave us. I was shocked for a moment, but I was the goddess of love and beauty. Mamoru and Rei loved each other — and I was in no position to abandon my beliefs. I believed her selfish mainly because I thought she'd understand when she found out. I mean, Rei understood when she and Mamoru fell in love and they were still dating. I guess I thought Usagi would be more understanding, that's all.

But now, I understand.

It destroyed our destiny. The Silver Power was driven away when we took it out of Usagi, disappearing within minutes after she left. It attempted to enter her body again but the laws… the laws of the Silver Kingdom held it back, blocked its way from entering her body once more. It searched out Chibi-Usa but she had faded away shortly after as well, due to the betrayal and the now lost power. It was true, what Usagi had said. The power searched for a member of the Silver family — but it couldn't find one and it faded. It destroyed all hope of Crystal Tokyo, all hope of peace, all hope of the Silver Millennium.

We destroyed all hope of tranquility with our stupidity and blind eyes…

Rei and Mamoru's relationship did not help us in any way. Without the Silver Power, Crystal Tokyo could not be created and the power of Earth and Mars was not a good combination. They tried to revive the great power of Mars and Earth to create a new kingdom—called Fire Tokyo, aptly named by Makoto as a feeble joke—but Queen Selenity did not allow them. Her soul was angry, so angry she didn't care for the lives on Earth… she wanted us to die for the treason we caused… she wanted us to pay for the life we made die.

We destroyed everything that could have made Earth a better place because of our selfish acts. We destroyed all hope of an easy life for the mortals because we wanted to have our dreams before her own dreams. We thought we knew her dreams — save the world, marry Mamoru, and reign world peace over Earth. It was all simple — it was all she wanted back then.

But as she grew up, we left her as a child as we sped up to make our own dreams. We forced her down as we grew into the people we are today. We ignored her obvious changes as she grew behind our backs, slowly rising up to conquer the world one day. We tried to prevent our favorite little bunny from growing up, trying to force her to stay down as Rei's and Mamoru's relationship bloomed into a beautiful, black rose, one that stood out in our once perfect blood-red rose garden.

And she saw it. The usually oblivious girl had glanced around and caught sight of the black rose in her perfect garden. She knew it immediately and she caught them red-handed. We were shocked, to say the least, but we recovered, although Ami took a longer time doing it.

But we were all shocked as we committed what we senshi had pledged never to do — we acted out high treason on our princess. We were the Chosen princesses of our planets; chosen to protect the Moon princess from harm, to guide her down the road of life, to save her from any danger, to help her control her powers… We did no such thing. We did what we said we'd never do. We betrayed the center of our universe, we betrayed Queen Selenity, we betrayed our own planets…

Then again, it may have been for the best… for her anyway.

I looked away from the coffin, my eyes filling with tears.

_Maybe_.

* * *

Since I'm so nice (haha, yeah right (: ), I decided to upload it early. )  
Considering how long it took for me to get Part II up. (: 

Enjoy and remember to review, ne?


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